Here I am.

Wandering, again. Daydreaming. Bemused by random ideas and the weight of options. Doing nothing of consequence. Wasting time. Creating little.

I’ve been trying to sort out life. What it means to be mid-50s with an all-consuming career behind me. What it means to be post my life goal of taking an extended trip around-the-world. I fret at night. We’re running through our savings like bath water. Big questions hover: What’s next? What will I do when I grow…uh…old? How will I busy my mind and hands, and feed the coffers? What will give me purpose and happiness? What will I do to fill my days?

Sara Davidson labeled this transitory phase of life “the narrows.” The name fits. I wander through it–sometimes paralyzed by indecision. Sometimes lazy. Listing with the wind. Observing. Listening. Waiting for inspiration, for energy, for some direction to show itself. Wandering until things fall into place–or the place falls apart.

Spring

I’ve been here in the narrows for awhile, with little fits and starts here and there. After our trip, I lagged in the doldrums for months. Then in March, there was an impetuous to move.

On the first day of Spring, I started work at a garden center. I work outside. I’m tan, more fit, and have fewer aches and pains. I bike to work. I’m learning and doing something I love. I feel good at the end of a day of physical labor. Office worries don’t follow me home. It’s good.

At the end of May, we adopted a little dog, a foster we fell in love with despite our efforts not to. He is eight-point-one pounds of gumption and guile. He wanders with me. Together, we watch the birds, the squirrels, the clouds. We dally on the streets talking to neighbors. It’s good.

What I haven’t done this summer is make photos or write. That’s not good.

Dog Days

These dog days unnerve me. Summer’s stagnant heat and humidity exhaust me. Restlessness sets in. I long for motion, for a fresh breeze. I wait for cool mornings and clarity. Is it just summer, or life’s road narrowing?

Time flies. My memory slips. Life is fragile. I want to photograph more, write more, create more, and do something with my ideas and vague notions. I want to wander with intention. What a paradox.

So, with this post, I commit to myself and anyone reading that I’ll go on a weekly creative outing with camera and notebook to see what I see, to record what I love, to remember what I feel emotions for, and maybe to create something that is satisfying. I invite you to walk with me.

Maybe this will add up to something worthwhile or beautiful. Or maybe it won’t. No matter. My goal is to enjoy the ride. Be kind. Be true. And wander on, until the road runs out.

Thank you for reading

Do you have similar feelings about transitions in life, about creative doldrums? How do you handle it? Any advice? 

Finally, if you liked this post and would like to stay in touch, please…

Carol Fletcher is a traveling, dog-loving, coffee-addicted photographer living in Chicago. To see more photo essays and projects, please visit www.carolfletcher.com. Select photos are for sale on Etsy.